IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Sue's Rambling's
2. Nature? Nurture?
3. Learning From Our Kids – Dirt Doesn’t Hurt
4. Snakes and Snails and Sugar and Spice – What Unlimited Moms have to say
5. What’s For Dinner? Angel Hair Pasta with Veggies and Chicken
6. Advice from an Unlimited Grandma
7. Reader Feedback – Your Assignment Is…
8. A Little Giggle – Silly Elephant Jokes

Sue’s Ramblings

Hello! I am very happy, yet very lazy tonight. I finished a huge project I’ve been working on (the first draft of my book – more about that in a future issue) and it’s out being read by others this week. Don’t quite know what to do with all my time – I keep waking up at 4:30 to work on it, and then remember I don’t have to (at least until I get it back with all the corrections I expect)!

Oh, and if you sent me any e-mail on Thursday or Friday of last week, I didn’t get it. There was a weird glitch with my e-mail server and all the e-mail got zapped. I complained, and got a very helpful e-mail back which basically said “sorry – no backup.” Gee thanks. Anyway, if it was anything but spam, please send it again.

This issue is dedicated to last month’s reader feedback question regarding raising boys vs. girls. We got lots of reader responses, and even some great advice from an Unlimited Grandma! If you enjoy this issue, consider sending in your response to this month’s question, which is on playgroups. Kids love ‘em, of course, but it’s a great source of support and socialization for mom as well. Have you participated in any? How have you found them or formed them? What are your experiences? If you haven’t been able to find any playgroups, what other sources of support or socialization (for kid and mom alike) have you found to fill the gap? Send your response today and the topic will be covered in a future newsletter. mailto:sue@unlimitedmom.com?subject=playgroups

Send any notes, ideas, or feedback! mailto:sue@unlimitedmom.com

Pass this on to a friend who might like it!

Have a nice week!

Sue mailto:sue@unlimitedmom.com

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Nature? Nurture? There are some evident differences
By Sue Dickinson

I come from a family of three girls. Without any experience in babysitting or teaching before giving birth my son, I really didn’t know what to expect when he arrived. I pretty much figured that kids are kids, whether they be boys or girls, each an individual, so I determined to just raise my son as a child.

And, that is pretty much working. My son seems to be developing into a regular human being (not counting the last half hour before bedtime). But, over the past 5 years, I HAVE discovered some fundamental differences between boys (well, at least my boy) and girls (well, at least me):

1. For one, shortly after bringing Douglas home, I discovered an important difference to note when changing diapers. Let’s just say I quickly learned to throw a drip cloth over the areas to blame.

2. Soon after learning to walk, Douglas began scaling tall buildings and risking his life. There was one really scary incident when he was two where his Daddy took him to the top of a twisty slide, intending to ride down along with him. While Dad was getting them situated, Douglas took off alone, only to fly off the side halfway down and break his collarbone. We spent 8 hours in the ER trying to find out what was wrong with him (he wasn’t talking yet when this happened). I can’t recall ever having to visit the ER as a little girl. They just don’t consider paper cuts life threatening enough.

3. As a little girl, I remember being extremely interested in my clothes and shoes. Douglas could care less what he wears, as long as it doesn’t fit his description of “church clothes,” which he will only wear on Sunday. Since that leaves out anything but sweatpants and t-shirts in his mind, he pretty much looks like a street urchin most of the time. I should be grateful, though. If he REALLY had his way, he’d run around dressed like Mowgli in the Jungle Book.

4. Although we never talk about guns or fighting and the only weapon I have allowed in my house is a replica of Captain Feathersword’s feather sword, Douglas has picked up a full vocabulary of combat weapons and their uses. I’d blame it on daycare, but I suspect if he didn’t get it there the inevitable would only be postponed until he started school. I’ve just resigned myself to constant explanations of what is appropriate. My husband just about died from laughter the other night when I tried to tell Douglas the soldiers try to shoot the bad guy in the leg, and only kill when absolutely necessary. I’m just trying to keep him from becoming Jeffrey Dahmer or something…..

5. And, let’s not even talk about the bathroom. Suffice it to say his dad taught him to aim. Too bad we couldn’t carry on the drip cloth tradition.

Elsewhere in this issue are some responses from other Unlimited Moms about this topic, and some great advice from an Unlimited Grandma! But, the bottom line, it doesn’t matter whether you have a boy or a girl when you are getting those hugs, kisses and smiles from your special kid. Somehow, that makes everything (yes, even cleaning the bathroom) worthwhile.

Sue Dickinson publishes the Unlimited Mom Newsletter, a newsletter dedicated to helping working moms recognize and value all facets of their lives…their families, their work and their personal development. Visit http://www.unlimitedmom.com for more information.

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Learning from Our Kids
Dirt Doesn’t Hurt
Contributed by Brenda

One of the biggest lessons I have learned from my rambunctious two year old daughter is that dirt doesn’t hurt. I have always been a little bit on the prissy side, never wanting to get my clothes or hands dirty, but to my daughter, none of that matters. The other day I put her in one of her new spring outfits for a party, really cute striped pants and matching shirt. I let her go outside to play basketball with the kids on the driveway. Next thing I know she’s coming inside smiling brightly and covered in mud. She decided it would be more fun to play in the mud puddle. Oh, well, they are just clothes, right?

When she was about 1, she got into the bathroom when I wasn’t looking. Suddenly I heard splashing sounds and went to investigate. There she was, happy as a clam, sitting IN the toilet. I have learned the hard way that you can never plan for everything and that dirt does not hurt.

Do you have a life lesson you’ve learned from your kids? Share it at mailto:sue@unlimitedmom.com?subject=lifelessons

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Snakes and Snails and Sugar and Spice
What Other Unlimited Moms Have to Say

***This might not be a popular response, but I really think that people use the concept of boys and girls being “different” as an excuse for allowing certain behavior in boys (aggression, dominance, etc) and others in girls (quick to tears, more needy, etc). I have one of each, and want to raise both my children to be compassionate, kind, curious people – regardless of their gender. There is a vast difference between my children, but I believe it is their personalities that are different, not gender differences. All boys will not necessarily be more aggressive and turn everything into a gun. But I think when boys start showing aggressive behavior as toddlers, we are quicker to condone it and chalk it up to “boys will be boys,” instead of holding them to the same standards as our daughters. Vice versa, when our daughters fall as toddlers, we are quicker to comfort them and baby them, but tell our sons to shake it off. If we offer the same standards to all, there are remarkably few differences.

***My two boys are only 3 and 1, but we have attended a coincidentally all-girl playgroup since they were born and I have taken note of several things. First, the saying “boys will be boys” is very true. I noticed this the first time my son, age 2 then, wanted to push one of his friends’ baby strollers across the room. He pulled the doll out of the stroller by the hair and threw it across the room, because it was obviously in his way. Then there was the time he and his girlfriends discovered a caterpillar in the grass. At the complete disgust of 5 girls gathered around him, he smashed it with one swing of a baseball bat. The boys gravitate toward trucks, balls, tools, etc. without any encouragement from me. In fact, I tried to get my oldest interested in a baby doll of his own, while I was pregnant with his baby brother, to no avail. Second, they notice gender differences on their own even though I have never pointed them out. I remember the day my 3 year old told me pink was a girl color. And the day he wore his friend’s frilly dress-up clothes on his head and said “I’m a princess-boy”. Third, if they have a father figure in their life, watching him pretty much takes care of anything they don’t figure out on their own. They learn things like how to pound nails and pee in the bushes, and that they will grow hair on their arms someday when they “turn into a man.” The bottom line – they will be boys without any effort on your part, so don’t worry about it and let the “boys be boys!”

***I don’t know how to raise boys versus girls, but I do have a sensitive son. I’m raising him to be helpful in the kitchen but also teaching him ball games and “boy things”. Since he’ll have a new little brother in the next few weeks, I’m considering getting him a “blue baby”—a boy doll my brother and his wife had tremendous success with when their second son was born. He would change and feed blue baby whenever they would give the newborn attention. However, I don’t know if I can go that far. I still have trouble buying a doll for a boy - - even a two year old. I guess I’m old fashioned that way. But what if he doesn’t give it up and he’s five, taking it to Kindergarten? I don’t want him to be bullied….one thing I’ll never do to my sons is tell them “big boys don’t cry” or any of that mean stuff. I won’t trivialize or negate their emotions any more than I would do that to a little girl. And I hope if I ever get a little girl I can teach her to focus less on her looks and boys than on her own development.

***I came from a family of all girls and my husband came from a family of all boys. I don’t know how to say this but boys and girls are not that different unless you treat them differently. They start out the same way and I think we make some assumptions about how they should be or how we should treat them based on their gender. Instead, I think we should treat them as themselves and just go from there. There are boys that like flowers and girls that like baseball. No assumptions should be made, just embrace the kind of person your child is, enjoy them and teach them to love themselves and others for who they are.

***I don’t think it’s fair to say there should be a difference in HOW you raise boys and girls. We as parents want our kids to be respectful, friendly and kind. In our times boys and girls should be allowed to dabble in “boy” and “girl” activities. I have two boys and one girl. Both my boys and my daughter clean the bathroom and wash their own clothes. All of them like to help cook and will help assemble simple furniture. My girl often runs around playing robbers and sometimes I will catch my boys playing restaurant. So there is no right way to raise a boy or a girl. They need exposure to what will be expected of them as adults. And nowadays women and men roles have a lot of overlapping characteristics.

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What’s For Dinner?
Angel Hair Pasta with Veggies and Chicken
Contributed by Dori Moerer

Garlic and basil flavor this speedy (and, dare I say, healthy) dish beautifully. Dig in!

2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
2 skinless boneless chicken breast halves -- cubed
1 carrot -- sliced diagonally
1 package (10 oz.) frozen peas -- thawed
2 cloves garlic -- minced (or pressed with a garlic press)
12 ounces angel hair pasta
2/3 cup chicken broth
1 teaspoon dried basil
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese, fresh or dried

Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a medium skillet over medium heat and then cook the chicken in it until gently browned and cooked through; drain on paper towels. Heat the rest of the oil in the skillet. (Also begin heating the water for your pasta.) Add the carrot slices to the skillet and cook, stirring, for 4 minutes. Add the peas and garlic and cook, stirring, for 2 more minutes. Cook the pasta according to the directions. While it is cooking, add the chicken broth, basil, and Parmesan to the skillet, and stir. Add chicken. Reduce heat and simmer 4 minutes. Top the pasta with the chicken mixture, sprinkle with some extra Parmesan, and serve immediately.

Note: Fresh Parmesan is extra good in this recipe. You can also substitute ham for the chicken and/or broccoli for the peas.

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Advice From an Unlimited Grandma
From Linda Offenheiser
http://www.stress-freecopy.com

I am both a mother and a grandmother. I have two children, a boy and a girl, and three grandchildren, a girl and two boys….Raising boys and girls is really no different from raising two children of the same sex. They are each individuals and each will have special needs and challenges. You have to address these separately and not fall into the trap of thinking all parenting techniques will work the same with each child. Different personalities require different approaches. Just love them, get to know them, guide them, instill them with your values, spend time with them, enjoy them and pray!

However, sons and daughters do present different challenges!

With boys, the biggest obstacle mothers frequently have to overcome is being too protective. Most little boys love a rough and tumble existence. As mothers our first reaction is to stop them from anything that may even remotely pose a threat to their safety. Of course we must protect them from dangers that their little minds sometimes don’t recognize but we have to be careful not to “wrap them in cotton” either.

I remember when my son was playing hockey- a sport I hated because it was so rough. After one of my many voiced concerns about his safety, my son said, “Mom, what sport would you consider safe? Would you be happier if I played chess or would you worry that I’d fall off the chair?” His remark hit home and I realized just how overly protective I had become.

So let them go, let them explore, let them get dirty and come home with little scratches. Only call “Halt!” when you know they are truly endangering themselves. (This same advice applies to adventurous little girls, too!)

Girls, as they grow up, are much less sympathetic to their mothers. They go from believing Mom knows everything to being convinced she knows nothing. They go from believing you’re the most beautiful creature in the world to being embarrassed by your very existence! Girls tend to be more vocal about your failings (real and/or imagined). This becomes more pronounced the older they get.

You know what they say about two women in the same house? That it always results in friction? To a lesser degree the same thing can apply to mothers and daughters. For some unknown reason, mothers and daughters seem to compete with one another on many levels. Is this logical? No. Does it happen? Yes! We may be their role models but they will do everything they can to convince us that we’re not worthy of that exalted position.

Mothers have to try very hard to guard against taking these attacks personally – it’s a ‘rite of passage”, nothing more. Moms have to work not to react and lash out when their daughters are in this mode. (And, believe me, you’ll be chomping on your tongue frequently!) Know that it will pass just like the million other “phases” they go through. Maintain open lines of communication, let your daughter know she has your unconditional love and, someday, she will be your best friend.

Children are joys which cannot always be appreciated while you’re in the midst of raising them. Just try not to get caught up with the small stuff that doesn’t really matter. Choose your battles wisely. If you work to develop good communication with your children it will solve a lot of the problems and prevent still more. If your children know they can safely discuss anything with you, you will develop close relationships that will last a lifetime. And you do have something else to look forward to - - being a grandmother is a whole lot easier than being a mother.

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READER FEEDBACK…YOUR ASSIGNMENT IS:

I received the following from an Unlimited Mom:

Dear Sue,
I am a working mother with 2 children ages 8 and 5. I read about a working mother in Greenwich, CT who started up a working mother's play/social group. I live in the Princeton, NJ area and am looking for an outlet like this, do you know of any? There are so many resources like this for SAHM's, but working mothers need it also.

Thanks for your help.

Well, any experience out there with play groups? I tried to start up a Saturday play group a couple years back, but no one wanted to meet on Saturday (too many errands, I guess). Have you had luck forming or joining one, and if so how has it helped and what tips do you have for starting one? If you haven’t had any luck, what do you do in lieu of playgroups, both for your children and for your own social life? Just send any thoughts or ideas on this subject to mailto:sue@unlimitedmom.com?subject=playgroups.


AND,

I’m just having fun reading the life lessons we learn from kids. So, keep sending them my way for a while. They really are pretty smart little tykes, and bring out the best in us “grown ups”. Reply to this question at mailto:sue@unlimitedmom.com?subject=lifelessons

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A Little Giggle
Elephant Jokes to Share With Your Kids

Have you noticed that kids have a silly sense of humor? It’s great to be able to share with them, but its sometimes hard for us “grown ups” to come up with the goofy jokes they love. Here are a few to share with them. Who knows, lay a few of these on them, and they may think you are the smartest mom in the world!

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on a park bench?
A: Time to get a new park bench

Q: What do you do with old bowling balls?
A: Give them to elephants to use as marbles

Q: How can you tell when there’s an elephant in the refrigerator?
A: You can’t close the door

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a canary?
A: a pretty messy cage

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.

Q: How do you make an elephant float?
A: put two scoops of ice cream and some milk in a glass. Add one elephant

Q: How can you tell when there’s an elephant in the back seat of your car?
A: you can smell the peanuts on its breath

Q: What’s the difference between an elephant and a grape?
A: the grape is purple

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming?
A: Here come the grapes (he was color blind)

Q: Who started all these elephant jokes?
A: That’s what the elephants want to know.


Sue Dickinson is the author of What’s a Mom to Do? Overcoming the Urge to Put Your Life on Hold and the creator of www.UnlimitedMom.com, designed to celebrate the many facets of Mom. Because when you recognize them all, your possibilities are unlimited! Contact Sue at Sue@UnlimitedMom.com or visit http://www.UnlimitedMom.com