Living With the Great White Whale By Sue Dickinson
copyright, 2003
I first encountered the Great White Whale in my teens. My family was gathered around the supper table. I was having a lively discussion with my two sisters and my mom about a soap opera we all watched. We were chatting about a particularly exciting story line in which one of the characters, Nina, was going blind. As the dialogue ensued, the Great White Whale emerged. He gradually arose from the deep depths—higher and higher—until he finally saw the light. And my dad, in complete shock and disbelief cried: “Nina from church is going blind?!”
My mom, knowing my dad the best, just laughed. My sisters and I, being teenagers and less compassionate, gave him nothing but grief. And my dad, the Great White Whale, understanding that he was beaten, began to make the long slow descent back into the bottomless depths, never to be seen again.
Friends, while that was my first experience with the Great White Whale, it was certainly not my last. Because since that encounter, I have found that a lot of men, my husband and son included, are Great White Whales. Most women would agree that men have an annoying habit of tuning them out for long periods of time, only to emerge from the deep to focus on one point. Unfortunately, more often than not, by doing this they miss the entire issue completely!
Men, however, don’t consider it an annoying habit at all. My husband, Marty, calls it “selective filtering.” According to him, he only filters out the “mindless drivel,” allowing him to focus on the “important stuff.” How he is able to make such a determination I’m not sure, because frankly, to me nothing I say is mindless drivel.”
There are countless theories to explain gender differences. Rob Becker has created an entire one-man comedy called “Defending the Caveman,” in which he contends that diversity between men and women is understandable because men are “hunters” and women are “gatherers.” These conflicting roles have resulted in the genders evolving differently throughout the years.
On the more scientific front, John Gray has created a virtual media monster with his revolutionary theory that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. And here all this time, I thought I was from Colorado.
But I, too, have a theory. It is the Great White Whale theory. It’s not particularly scientific, but I believe you will find it to be accurate. Let us explore how two very common disparities between the sexes prove my theory quite well.
First, let’s explore the concept of multi tasking. Need I say more? Women can do it. Men, well…not so much. Most women I know can wash dishes, sort laundry, pay bills, and talk on the phone simultaneously; all while looking around for something more to fill the spare time. A man’s idea of multi tasking, however, is taking a magazine to the bathroom.
I have heard it described that females function like an automatic transmission, switching from one gear (task) to another almost effortlessly. Males, on the other hand, perform more like a manual transmission. You have to depress the clutch, switch the gear, and then let out the clutch, all in a set pattern. If anything is done out of order, you can end up grinding your gears.
So when a man has a particularly difficult issue to face or solve (or maybe he just has a really big game to watch on televison), he has to focus. To a woman, he appears to have turned into the Great White Whale—sliding into the deep abyss—never to be seen again.
To further illustrate, let’s explore the way males and females make decisions. When a man has a choice to make, he makes it. She asks: “What color should we paint the house?” “Green” says he. Issue over. Now he can get back to the big game.
A woman, on the other hand, makes her decisions by consensus. She is asked the same question: “What color should we paint the house?” But before answering, she must first ask the opinion of her friends, her mother, the man at the paint store, her hairdresser, the woman standing behind her in the grocery store, even her dog.
Then, she will need to read every decorating book or magazine she can get her hands on to confirm the latest and greatest paint colors for the season. After compiling all this information, the woman is able to finally answer: “I THINK we should paint the house green…but what do you think?”
By the time she has concluded this process, the man is totally bewildered with her decision making procedure and has once again turned into the Great White Whale: descending deep, deep, down, never to be seen again.
Do you think I’m picking on men? Not so. The main objective of the Great White Whale Theory is to prove that we should no longer be bound by the constraints that ensue when we label someone “different” than us. Instead, we should celebrate the benefits of our diversity! Anyone who has driven a manual transmission car knows there are times when it is far superior to the automatic. At other times, an automatic is preferable.
So too, with the male and female of the species. Unlike my initial reaction to Dad so many years ago, time has taught that I should recognize differences between the genders not as roadblocks to communication but instead as assets to admire. Maybe, even to emulate. Men should be proud! They have qualities women crave, like the ability to sit still and to make quick decisions. And women who live with a Great White Whale can take heart. Even a whale has to come up for air sometimes.
Sue Dickinson is the author of What’s a Mom to Do? Overcoming the Urge to Put Your Life on Hold and the creator of www.UnlimitedMom.com, designed to celebrate the many facets of Mom. Because when you recognize them all, your possibilities are unlimited! Contact Sue atSue@UnlimitedMom.comor visithttp://www.UnlimitedMom.com
