GROWING UP… CAN KIDS GROW TO LOVE THEIR WORK?
By Sue Dickinson
copyright 2002
My four-year-old son is in such a hurry to grow up. Every morning he asks me how much he’s grown overnight. I finally convinced him to like milk by telling him it is much better than apple juice to make your bones grow (which is, of course, the truth...but whoever said the truth was the most effective answer with kids?) Yesterday was a momentous day in his life. We made the trek to Kohl's Department Store to buy him larger underwear. What a dilemma he had deciding between Monster;s Incorporated, Scooby Doo, and Bob the Builder! Since I have so much trouble getting the laundry done regularly, I finally agreed he could have all three. And, as soon as we got home...off came the too small Barney underwear and on went the new. All day long, I got quite a kick out of him dropping his drawers to display his brand new shorts to everyone who crossed his path.
Kids have an insatiable appetite to do new and exciting things. And they view growing up as the ultimate opportunity to do just that. With no outside influences, kids see everything as awesome. How many times do you hear in a day “I want to do that,” or“I’d like to be that?”In a kid’s mind, everything is possible...but maybe not until they’re grown up.
Kids want nothing more than to grow up - because when you grow up you get to do all sorts of cool things. For instance, you get to drive. My son is constantly asking me if he is tall enough to reach the pedals. I, on the other hand, would be perfectly content if a chauffeur drove me everywhere. I am what they call “directionally impaired.” If someone says“turn left,”I immediately aim right. We had to move to Colorado, just so I would have the mountains to help me find West. So I really don’t like driving that much. Whenever someone says, “who’s driving?” I look around to see. But my son, now he just can’t wait (so maybe if I wait long enough, I’ll have that chauffeur after all).
Another thing kids think is the ultimate reward for growing up is that you can stay up late and eat whatever you want. They are obviously not thinking about the bags under your eyes and the extra cellulite on your thighs.
But, the most remarkable thing is that kids think going to work is wonderful. Kids love to play “professions,” where they pretend to be doctors, hairdressers, plumbers - you name it. I ask you, what kind of fun is that, playing at work? I spend enough time there as it is!
But the other day as I watched my son play, I realized that we working moms have an extremely important role in our kid’s lives. We help influence whether they will enjoy working as adults, or not. Have you ever seen a teenager when confronted with any kind of “work”? It is clear that somewhere between the innocent child’s make believe and a teenager’s literal reality, the definition of “work” changes. It goes from something “so cool” to a BIG BORE. Why is that?
In his book “Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World”(1985, Ballentine Books), Zig Ziglar describes three “ages” in a child’s development. The first is the Age of Regulation, and occurs while a child is approximately 1-7. During this time, a parent establishes the “rules” by which we live in society. The third “age” is the Age of Inspiration, which is about age 13 and up, during which the child is inspired by great ideas. They need heroes, role models and mentors.
The second “age” however, is the one I feel really tests a parent’s spirit. It is called the Age of Imitation, and occurs between the ages of eight and twelve. This is the “monkey see, monkey do” stage. It is the time when kids watch your every move and learn what it’s really like to be “grown up”.
Who do kids watch during this all-important stage of their lives? Everyone! Teachers and friends, even the salesclerk in the grocery store. But, most importantly, they watch their parents. What they see in their parents becomes a huge influence for the rest of their lives.
That is why a parent’s guidance with respect to work is so important, particularly during the Imitation Age. What happens between the time when a small child mimics grownups at working, hoping to be like them and the time when a teenager rejects anything work related? Obviously, there is a lot going on, including ever increasing peer pressure. However, it remains a fact that a major influence to a teenager’s opinion of work is how the adults around them view it.
Wouldn’t you agree that in today’s economy, it is more than likely that our kids will have to work to support themselves and their families when they “grow up?” If so, then we owe it to them (and ourselves, since we want the best for them) to make sure that they approach their responsibility with enthusiasm, not dread. It is our job to make sure that they view work with the eyes of a preschooler and not of a teenager. How?
One important way is to lead by example. We can show our kids that we feel our work has value and is fulfilling. We can talk to them about it. We can let them know what parts of our job we enjoy (as well as the parts we dislike) and why, and about why we chose the job we have. We can limit our complaints, and maximize the positives.
Sure, we all have bad days at work, and we shouldn’t hide that from our kids. It’s part of life. But as our kids get older and start to really absorb what is going on around them, we can give them a positive and empowering example how to “grow up” with class. We can always be a reminder that whatever we choose to do with our life when we grow up, it need never stop being exciting and, most definitely, so cool!”
Sue Dickinson is the author of What’s a Mom to Do? Overcoming the Urge to Put Your Life on Hold and the creator of www.UnlimitedMom.com, designed to celebrate the many facets of Mom. Because when you recognize them all, your possibilities are unlimited! Contact Sue atSue@UnlimitedMom.comor visithttp://www.UnlimitedMom.com
