The other day the most amazing thing happened. I was feeding my 9 month-old daughter dinner as I usually do and I started to wave to her saying, “Hi Madeline.” Typically, she’ll look at me with those big brown eyes and turn back to what she’s doing. But this day was different. She lifted her hand and opened and closed her fingers at me, waving. It was the very first time she imitated something back to me. I was elated. Then, I freaked out.
It hit me, I mean really hit me, that from now until the day I die this little girl will be examining what I do, pick up on it, and imitate me. I know you’re probably thinking, “Well duh, you’re her Mother!” But the fact that what I do will be a huge impression on this child really hadn’t hit me until the moment she imitated me. Like most Mothers, I was always more focused on what my daughter should be wearing, what she should read, the kind of toys she should have to develop her intelligence, and what she should eat so she can get the proper nutrition. I think a lot of us don’t really think about the fact that our actions tell volumes to our children about how to live life.
For example, I always thought I was such an environmentally conscious person. I recycle. It’s easy. Just put recyclable stuff in the special place and the people take it away. I’m doing my part for the environment, aren’t I? Yet, I did not realize until recently that many of the things I do contribute to environmental problems. Like paper or plastic bags at the grocery store. We reuse them once maybe, and then typically throw them away. Think of how often you go to the grocery store (once or twice a week) then how many bags you usually get (maybe 7 to 10 plastic bags or 4 to 6 paper bags). Now multiply that by millions of people and well, you get the idea. So, if I want to teach my daughter to be environmentally conscious and really do something about it—that means I need to do something about it and live it. Okay, now that’s a little harder. I can’t just tell her, “We have to be aware of how our lifestyle is affecting the environment,” and then do nothing about it.
Which brings me to the old adage, “Do as I say, not as I do.” As far as I’m concerned, that one can go out the window. How often do you get upset at family or friends when the say they’re going to do something for you and they never do it? Imagine what a child feels when his or her Mommy or Daddy does this. I’m sure it rocks their world to the core. How can a child ever feel secure in this world if his or her Mommy or Daddy sends mixed messages? I remember the times my Mom or Dad said one thing and did something totally different (without explaining it to me). I felt confused, hurt, mad, sad. Hey, I know we’re not perfect (and don’t think I’d want to be anyway, thank you very much). As parents however, I feel our job is to be a living example for our children. I always try to remember that it’s what you do that really matters. And if your words are backed up by those actions, then more power to you. By the way, I went out and bought reusable canvas grocery bags. I know it’s a little thing but maybe it will make a difference—and maybe my daughter will imitate me someday.
Dana Leipold is a Senior Copywriter for PeopleSoft, a business software company. She, her husband, and their 9 month old daughter, Madeline, live in Castro Valley, California, where they like to spend time hiking and enjoying Northern California's great outdoors.
