Childcare: Two Perspectives
By Sue Dickinson
copyright 2003
About 3 months after I had my son, I, like many moms, returned to work and sent him to a daycare center. Shortly after he began, he developed a nasty cough that accelerated into croup. Thus began four months of worry, prayer, and endless medical treatment to cure him of the guttural cough that made my tiny infant sound like a dying sea lion. Nights were spent either lying wide awake in bed listening to him bark through his sleep, or sweating in the bathroom with the hot shower running trying to loosen things up. Douglas seemed to take it in stride, but his dad and I were wrecks. Lack of sleep and inexperience caused me to question everything. As you can probably imagine, a big source of my guilt was that I continued to send him to daycare each day, despite the fact that he sounded like he would cough up a lung at any moment.
His caregivers, his doctor, and my intellect said that he was fine – he didn’t have a fever or any sign at all of distress other than that horrifying bark. But, my other side, my prehistoric, overtired, hormone laden, mother bear side, could not believe I would leave my son with someone else. It broke my heart to hand him off every day when it was obvious that all he needed was his mommy’s constant attention.
But, a girl has to pay the bills, so to daycare he went. His croup eventually healed, and Douglas suffered no ill effects from the experience. I’m not sure I can say the same for myself.
Probably every family who has ever used daycare has their own story to tell. The details are different, but the feelings of confusion, distraction, fear, and (of course) guilt are the same. One of the most challenging and psychologically wrenching experiences we face is finding quality daycare for our kids and making sure that throughout their stay it continues to meet our high standards. When I asked Unlimited Moms to share their experiences, I received a wide range of reactions and questions. I realized as I read the responses that we are often confused about what is expected of us by the child care provider.
In order to gain a perspective from the caregiver’s angle, I asked one of the teachers at my son’s school to share her viewpoints. Brenda, a mom of three teenage children, has been a child care provider for 15 years. 5 of those years she spent in home-childcare, and 10 in daycare centers. She is now embarking on the exciting challenge of opening her own center in Aurora, Colorado. “There is quality daycare available for your children,” Brenda assures us. “There are centers run and staffed by real people who genuinely care about the children they are watching over. But, as with everything to do with being a parent, it may take some sacrifice to search and find that perfect place for your child.”
The number one question is what type of childcare to use? There are a multitude of options available, including nannies, au pairs, family members, in-home daycare and childcare centers. This article will focus on in-home and centers. If the responses received from this small poll is any indication, those are the most popular choices.
An Unlimited Mom: “I considered someone who could come into our home to keep our son, but decided to send him to his sister’s daycare center for a number of reasons. The most obvious – cost. It’s so much more expensive to pay someone in your home. Also, you don’t have to worry as much about caregiver sick days or vacations. And, there are plenty of people around to interact with and concentrate on the kids.”
Another Unlimited Mom: “I use in-home daycare, for a lot of reasons. Dropoff and pickup are a breeze, and I think my kids get more tender loving care in the home situation. Also, they have the advantage of interacting with kids of all ages.”
Yet Another Unlimited Mom: “I started the search for a child care provider when my son was four months old. I couldn’t afford the childcare centers in our area, and liked the idea of the family day care. I toured several that I would not have even allowed to care for my cat, but finally found a mother who was great – flexible with hours, reasonably priced and really good with my son. But, then, we got word that she couldn’t make it financially and had to return to work.”
Brenda: “When you start looking for a day care situation, know ahead of time what you want, and be prepared to ask questions. If you have used daycare before, you will be better prepared because you’ll know what you liked or disliked. If you are new to the experience, ask your friends what they think you should ask about. Question any area of concern to you, from how naps are handled (do they let your child bring their own blankie or sleep toy?) to snack choices (are they nutritious?), to vacation policies. Where your child is concerned, things you normally wouldn’t think are significant become important.”
An Unlimited Mom: “Unfortunately, even though I did a lot of research and thought I asked the right questions, we had to go through several bad experiences before finding a wonderful school. The biggest problem—inconsistency of teachers.”
Brenda: “Probably the most important area when evaluating child care is the staff, because this is what determines the care your child will receive. Consistency is important. Ask for statistics on the center’s turnover rate. How long have the current teachers been there? What are the teacher's backgrounds? Does it seem like there is a predominance of teenagers (this is often the case in large centers)? Keep in mind, though, that this isn’t necessarily a bad thing if there are well qualified, experienced teachers working alongside them.”
Brenda counsels parents to think ahead of time what type of learning experience they want for their child, as well. Some providers and centers focus more on babysitting, others more on learning.
An Unlimited Mom: “Our son has learned so many things in his in-home daycare. My husband’s mom can’t believe it. Today, he pointed to a bird and said ‘that’s an owl in that tree.’ She told my husband ‘you didn’t know things like that when you were two!’ I think daycare has really helped him to grow.”
Brenda: “If you want a stimulating, learning experience for your children, make sure the care provider has art, science, language and math included in their daily activities. However, for young children (before kindergarten), you are looking for a program that is developmental, rather than task oriented. All children learn in different ways, so a good program should allow them to learn and explore using all their senses. It should also provide activities that allow children to explore their environment on their own, as well as adult directed activities that teach them to follow instructions. You can expect a lot from children, but it should always be presented in a manner that is age appropriate and fun.”
The job doesn’t end when you’ve found a spot that you think is right for your children. Then, the review process begins!
An Unlimited Mom: One day as I was leaving our childcare provider’s home, I saw her son grab another infant by both arms and pull him out of a swing and onto the floor. I spoke with her about the incident and she assured me that it would never happen again and that she had spoken to her son about boundaries. Then, I started to notice she wasn’t using all of the diapers I provided each day, in fact, I discovered she changed him only about twice a day. The same day I discovered this, my husband picked up the baby and realized he had the other baby’s pacifier in his mouth. I just couldn’t take it any more! My mom has agreed to watch my son, and I can’t imagine anyone else taking care of him as compassionately as she does.”
Brenda: “Even more important than asking questions is being observant. After all, you can be given all the right answers, but that doesn’t mean that’s what really happens. When you look around, does the environment seem warm and inviting? Look at the art work that is displayed. Do you see books and other learning toys for the children to play with? Do the toys and equipment seem to be in good repair? Is there enough variety to keep busy children busy? Does it seem like the teachers and aides have good control over the children (keeping in mind, of course that any time you are dealing with little ones, it is more like ‘controlled chaos)? Watch how the teachers interact with the kids and how the children respond. In a center, how do the staff and management interact? How do you feel about the management and staff? Do they seem genuinely interested in your questions? Do your concerns seem important?”
Not specifically related to your child’s care, but certainly an area of concern with moms is the cost of childcare, particularly during those times when childcare is not available. While we are more than willing to pay for the care when it is used, there is a reluctance to pay for holidays, sick days and vacations of the childcare provider. And yet, this seems to be the norm in child care. Since it was such a predominant question, I asked Brenda about this specifically.
Brenda: “Most centers do charge for days they are closed, with the exception of a certain number of vacation/sick days that are set each year. They have staff to pay, and expenses to meet, and those are dependant on tuition payments. It is definitely the responsibility of the center to let you know well in advance what days they plan to be closed. Set holidays should be in the parent handbook, and management should let you know of any other days, such as in-service days at least a month in advance. If this is not the case, there is a problem with management that should be addressed by the parents. If there is an unexpected closure such as a snow day, the center management will need to determine whether or not to charge, keeping in mind that bills don’t go away, but also understanding that the parents may need to find alternate care.
In home daycare is a slightly different situation, in that she doesn’t have additional staff to cover for her when she wants a vacation or if she is too sick to work, and yet she is still relying on your daycare payments as her source of income. It is basically her responsibility to let you know up front what the policies will be for holidays, vacation time (of either party), last minute cancellations (by either party), or unexpected days you won’t need her services. If she does not tell you up front, ask, so that you are both clear from the onset. If she hasn’t thought about it, ask again, and insist on settling on some terms. And, if you have disagreements with the policies, the time to discuss it is before you start taking your child.”
No, finding and keeping excellent childcare isn’t easy. And, I imagine that every time an incident occurs that we would do differently we will feel the uncertainty over our decisions all over again. But, one Unlimited Mom reminds us that providing a quality environment for our kids to spend their day can be a benefit:
“I want other moms to know it can turn out okay – even better than okay. The right teacher and friends can make a child even happier. I know this, because by the end of each weekend, my son can’t wait to go back!”
Sue Dickinson is the author of What’s a Mom to Do? Overcoming the Urge to Put Your Life on Hold and the creator of www.UnlimitedMom.com, designed to celebrate the many facets of Mom. Because when you recognize them all, your possibilities are unlimited! Contact Sue at Sue@UnlimitedMom.com or visit http://www.UnlimitedMom.com
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