Did I Grow Up ToBe Just Like Mom? By Sue Dickinson
The other evening I was having a typical tussle with my five-year-old son over whether or not he could take his fire-truck into the bathtub when it happened. I opened my mouth, intending to say one thing, and the words of my mother popped out of my lips instead! Oh my, when did I start sounding just like mom?
I’m sure as a mom you can relate! How many times have you told yourself“If I’m ever a mother, I’ll never do _____________ like my mom…”. And one of the most painful things for a woman to hear is the casually tossed“You’re just like your mother…”
I know there are many women whose relationship with their mom has been very painful, and there are others who have never had the chance to know their moms. Others of us have had what could be described as a “normal” relationship – part good, part bad, and part interpretation! I’ve been thinking about the mom/daughter relationship a lot lately, as we await our second child – a daughter.“Will she grow up to be like me?” I wonder? “And, if she does, is that a good thing?”
Daughters share many traits with their mothers. For example, my mom and I both have the same skinny calves, an affection for dumb puns and an uncanny ability to recall the lyrics to every show tune ever made. But beyond those genetic similarities, there’s no denying that her subtle influences have contributed to me becoming the person I am today.
There’s one thing that’s certain: your relationship with your mom –good, bad or indifferent – shapes and molds your very personality. Maybe it prompts you to strive for the same qualities, it might hold you back from your true potential, or perhaps it pushes you to achieve something more than your mom was ever able to reach.
Asking some healthy questions about your relationship with your mom can do much to help you in your search for excellence as a mother and a woman. Instead of wondering“did I grow up to be just like my mom?”consider answering the following two questions:
1. What one personality trait of your mom had the most influence on your life?For example, my mom taught me how important it is to make a person feel valuable. I’ll never forget how my mom praised and supported my first attempt at writing poetry when I was about eight years old (“boxes, boxes everywhere, on the ground and in my hair…well, you get the idea). Mom’s unwavering belief that I had talent from the tender age of eight contributed to my decision a year or so back to finally write that book I’d been wanting to for years. It would definitely have been more difficult without knowing that at least my mom believed in my value as a writer!
What character trait (good or bad) have you observed in your mom that has most influenced you? Has that quality prompted you to achieve more than you would have otherwise? Perhaps it has kept you from following the same path. Maybe it just makes you laugh. Whatever it is, it’s helped make you the person you are today.
2. What one lesson has your mom taught you that has carried with you over the years? My mom instilled a love of learning that I will be grateful for the rest of my life. She never said “it can’t be done.” Mom was able to tackle any sewing challenge I threw at her – Halloween costumes and prom dresses that many other moms would have given up on. Sure, she had the talent, but Mom was able to take her aptitude to the next level by believing there had to be a way, researching the possibilities, and giving it a try.
While I never did inherit my mom’s creative sewing skills, I hope that I can use her “never say never” attitude to enhance my writing talent, and pass on her thirst for excellence to my own children in whatevertheybecome interested in. Can you pinpoint any lessons your mom taught you over the years that have helped make you a more fulfilled woman?
So, did you grow up to be just like your mom? Who cares! The more important question is: have the qualities your mom shared and the lessons you learned helped you to makeyour own way in the world – in yourownway? This Mother’s Day, as you look back at your relationship and all of the lessons you’ve learned from your mom, take a moment to give thanks for the chance to use those lessons – goodandbad - to develop the traits and ideals you want to pass on to your children. Then, if all goes well,theycan make their own way in the world – in their own way. What a Mother’s Day gift for everyone!
