Developing Patience How to Cope When Life Doesn't Go Our Way By Sue Dickinson
“I want you to go home, lay on your side, and relax for the next few days until the baby arrives.”At first, this sounded like heaven to my ears: weeks of insomnia, exceedingly busy days at work and my ever growing mid-section all caused me to arrive at week 40 of “Baby Watch” in less than excellent spirits. Maybe a little R&R was just what I needed to get things moving along.
Three days later, I sit here bored out of my skull. I’ve napped. I’ve watched movies. I’ve read books. I’ve stared into space – only to come to 20 or 30 minutes later with no idea what I was thinking about.
And still, two days to my due date and no baby.
A visit to the Doctor gave me hope that all these efforts may have spurred things on. No such luck – instead I was sent home with a cheery “looks like you’ll have a few more days of peace and quiet…”
BUT I’M TIRED OF PEACE AND QUIET – I’M READY TO BE A MOM!!!!!!
I pleaded…I bargained…I (am a little ashamed to admit) threatened my unborn daughter with time-out for hours when she finally arrives. Still…no luck at all.
Looks like I’m just going to have to be “patient”.
Patience is a trait that, until recently, I really felt that I had mastered. It’s been fairly easy to convince myself that I’ve found solutions for dealing with those petty interruptions, minor inconveniences and annoying companions that I encounter in life, and as a result, I am, more or less, “patient.”
But then, things happened in my life that was not part of my “master plan” and all of a sudden I was forced to face the reality that maybe, just maybe, I’m not as patient as I thought I was all along.
What is “patience,” anyway? Webster’s dictionary defines patience as:(1) the will or ability to wait or endure without complaint; (2) steadiness, endurance, or perseverance in performing a task. After reading these definitions, it becomes clear that patience is absolutely necessary to deal with the unexpected disappointments life will inevitably throw at us (like the long, boring days and frustration with my physical skills that I’ve been required to endure this week). But equally important, we need patience in order to develop the inner peace and perseverance we need to succeed in our day to day and long term goals.
MJ Ryan, author of “the Power of Patience: How to Slow the Rush and Enjoy More Happiness, Success and Peace of Mind Every Day,” suggests in her book that impatience is a mild form of anger. When we give into impatience, our rational mind is hi-jacked by our emotions and that is why we say or do things we regret later, even to people we love dearly, like our children.
So, what can we do to develop the patience we need for success? In searching for this answer, I’ve found three prevalent themes that should help us on our journey:
1. Look at the world with Kindness, Consideration and Love. These three qualities are the antithesis to the anger you feel when your impatient emotion takes control. Your compassion and affection for others tends to increase your capacity to accept that they may have differing opinions from yours and will react to situations in ways that maybe you wouldn’t. When you are filled with love, your tendency to be provoked is minimized. So, when your four-year-old jumps on the sofa yet again despite your many warnings, you are able to correct him yet again without losing your temper and doing something you’d regret later (or, at least your chances of this happening are greater…).
2. Find the Right Perspective, and Keep Your Sense of Humor. My Grandpa always used to tell me: “Susan, there’s more than one way to skin a cat.” No, Grandpa didn’t like to torture small furry animals, but he did understand that when faced with a difficult situation, the way you look at it is more important than what is actually happening. Somehow, during the past few weeks of waiting and waiting and waiting for my baby to be born, for me to feel better, and for my life to just go on, I forgot Grandpa’s advice. Instead, I spent a lot of time waiting for things to get better, focusing on the negatives of the situation, and letting my self-pity take over. But this mind-frame didn’t make any of my wishes come true faster - it just made my family and me more and more miserable. True, it’s hard to wait and wait and wait. But the waiting will be much more pleasant if I just calm down, keep my sense of humor, and find the fun in the waiting.
3. Maintain Your Faith and Believe in Yourself. Somehow, whenever we are faced with adversity, the first thing we lose is our spiritual faith. We start to believe that we are the only source that can control a situation, and when things don’t go our way it is easy to doubt our strengths. Luckily, faith reminds us there is a higher power guiding us on our journey. But rather than take away from our own self-worth, accepting this can strengthen our ability to persevere. “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Phillipians 4:13). Faith gives us the willingness to face our challenges and keeps us striving to achieve our personal best.
Will following the above advice make being patient any easier for you or me? Probably in today’s fast paced world it will always be a difficult challenge to face. Maybe the best we can hope for is to remember that we aren’t the only one struggling with a life skill that is so contrary to the messages of instant gratification our society constantly preaches. Barbara Johnson, humorist and inspirational writer may give us the best definition for patience of all: “Patience is the ability to idle your motors when you feel like stripping your gears.”Are you ready to try? Okay then - let’s start our engines!
