What’s a Mom to Do?
Overcoming the Urge to Put Your Life on Hold A Book Review
In Sue Dickinson’s book,"What’s a Mom to do? Overcoming the Urge to Put Your Life on Hold", she gives modern mothers a long-needed boost toward pursuing their dreams and goals—while tending to the vastly important duties of motherhood. This is no average self-help book. It gets to the heart of what mothers today are struggling with: guilt about wanting fulfillment outside of motherhood. Peppered throughout the book are motivational and positive quotes that relate to the content. These are tidbits of wisdom mothers can remember and use as mantras as they begin to discover that pursuing their personal goals and dreams is not only good for them—but also for their children. Dickinson points out at the very beginning that the reason she wrote the book was the fulfillment of her own dream and how important it is to her to set a good role model for her son:
My mind screamed for fulfillment, and yet my heart told me that to want more for myself was weak and self-centered. ȁPersonal growth” is for other people, not us moms. Isn’t our Number One job as moms to dedicate every moment to our children? Surprisingly, it came to be that my son was actually the catalyst for my motivation to change those beliefs. As I thought about all [the qualities I wanted to my son to have], and realized the huge role I would have in helping him to achieve them, I got scared. Because I realized that I had sorely neglected many of the personal qualities that I wanted my child to attain. In other words, putting my life on hold to raise my son was really hurting him in the long run.
Dickinson does a masterful job of weaving the theme of a road trip throughout the book as the anchor to impart her suggestions, advice, and positive message. In this passage she asks us to remember when we were little girls with big dreams:
The journey that began when we were little girls with our future before us doesn’t end in the labor room. No matter our circumstances, we continue to grow, and to change, whether we plan to or not. Yes, when we become moms we come to a new fork in the road, but the trip continues on. The question, then, is who will do the driving?
The book moves on to help mothers identify their gifts, take care of themselves, avoid roadblocks, find a support team, and pick themselves up when things goes wrong on the journey toward reaching dreams and goals. One of the most refreshing, and valuable, parts of this book is that Dickinson doesn’t try to provide all the answers herself. She gives her life experiences and ideas but also leans on the experiences and suggestions of other mothers. In one section of the book, she discusses the ever-present guilt mothers often feel but gives the reader another perspective as well:
I use the word “guilt” because it is the universal word we moms seem to throw around to explain our feelings. But, my friend Suzanne explained guilt a different way:
I have learned that ‘guilt’ is not a bad thing. It occurs when we have truly done something wrong, and we want to make amends for it. It pushes us to do better, to take accountability for our actions, to say we’re sorry. On the other hand, shame can be described as the unreasonable “bad” feelings we have about ourselves – ‘I’m no good,’ ‘I don’t deserve this,’ ‘I’m a bad mom.’ So our goal really shouldn’t be to not feel guilt, as guilt can promote healthy change. But we should strive to not feel shame – shame does no good, in fact it can cause harm to ourselves, and to others.”
At the end of each chapter Dickinson provides thought- and action-provoking questions for mothers to reflect on. The epilogue serves not simply as a wrap-up but a testament to success attained—a further motivator to mothers to not simply read but do something toward their goals.
As a mother and a woman with dreams, this book was extremely relevant to me. It introduced me to the idea that my dreams and goals are not the mark of a self-indulgent individual but a well-rounded woman who wants to demonstrate the possibilities to my child. It also introduced me to a community of women who are struggling in this fast-paced, stressful world to raise their children to be good people and carve out a legacy for their children to live life to its fullest. The best part of the book is you walk away from it feeling invigorated. You feel like it is possible to reach your goals and make your dreams a reality—and be the mother your children need.
In a sea of self-help books that tell women how to succeed in business or how to raise the perfect child, Dickinson’s book is a breath of fresh air for mothers suffocating on guilt. It frees mothers and reminds them that, “it’s your turn. Don’t put it on hold.”
